I gotta write something.

I feel like this is the only way I can get my feelings out right now.

I'm tired of being number twenty is someone's life.
I'm tired of being told things that will happen and then they never get done.
I'm tired of broken promises and the amount of days I've spent being upset.

This room has seen more tears than any room I've had I think.

I need more.
I'm tired of getting the bare minimum, and not even getting that most of the time.
Things have to change.

I should be studying but...

I have a lot on my mind, as usual. I hate spending my weekends alone. Not only does it make me lonely, but it makes me feel like I have nothing better to do on a weekend than sit in my room and watch TV and study. Granted I have a huge test on Monday, but I still feel like I should be doing something better.

Then those feelings in turn make me feel like I should be doing something better with my life. Then I just feel like an idiot for thinking that because what else am I really going to do in this part of my life? I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing--the whole college thing and living away from home. But it's the times I'm alone where I just feel there has to be something else.

Maybe I'm crazy. I don't know. I just know that I fall asleep most of my nights crying and waking up each day not very enthused about anything. What's wrong with me? Give me something to be happy about.

yep.

I want to be spoiled.

That sounds bad. But I just had to say it.