yep.

I want to be spoiled.

That sounds bad. But I just had to say it.

L.O.V.E.

one of my favorites:  love... we think about it, sing about it, dream about it, lose sleep worrying about it. when we don't have it, we search for it; when we discover it, we don't know what to do with it; when we have it, we fear losing it. it is the constant source of pleasure and pain. but we can't predict which it will be from one moment to the next. it is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, impossible to live without.

bugs and bravery.

sooooo, i had this really great analogy while i was taking a nap today. i have no idea why this came into my head, but i figured i'd write it down, even if everyone thinks it's stupid. i kind of think it's stupid.

anyway, i was thinking about bugs... for some odd reason. then i started thinking about the life of a bug, and it's depressing in a way. most bugs don't live that long. maybe for like, a day. and i just couldn't imagine being born and then going out into the world knowing that i was going to die almost instantly. what if we did that as humans? if we knew that we were only going to live a day or two maximum, what would we do with that life?

bugs don't really have a choice, seeing as they go out and get food or water and return to their buggy home. and all this living one day stuff got me thinking that bugs are probably the bravest creatures on the planet. they have to be. i mean, they go out into the human world knowing (or maybe not knowing) that all their buggy friends have been killed by humans, and they do it anyway. if i saw all my friends dying in a matter of seconds, i'm telling ya i wouldn't be facing the world at all.

these bugs are brave, man.
the end.

the way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name...

...it's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change.

but things are changing for me. i leave for mississippi state in three weeks, and to say the least i have been very excited to move and start new things. but lately it's been on my mind that some things might change that i don't want to.

i've started to really enjoy going to citychurch on sundays and have met some really wonderful people :)  i've noticed things in my life have started to change for the better, and the power of prayer is working wonderfully in my life. i want to stay committed to God and committed to becoming a better person--but i can't do it alone. i'm hoping things will only get better when i go away, but it's hard to think so sometimes. we'll see :)

i've had this great little feeling in my stomach for a little while now. i like it.

fireflies.

and no, not that gay song. i've realized that basically we are all fireflies.

justin and i were sitting around watching fireflies the other night and i wondered, 'why do fireflies light up?' it's so pretty and amazing to us, but what is it like to them? so, i 'chacha'-ed it on my phone, and it said that fireflies light up to attract a mate.

it makes sense now that i think about it. the light is so pretty, and bugs like light. at least that's what we think. but i wonder what makes one firefly's light different from another? what makes a firefly attracted to that one certain other firefly?

that's how i invision finding mates as humans. we each have a different light--many different lights that we put on--and someone else either finds them attractive or not. our light could be our appearance.. it could be our personality. it could be certain traits that are only specific to you that someone notices and finds attractive. that light is special to you, and when someone finds that light attractive, they want to get to know you. when they find that more lights are attractive about you, they know you're the one.

when lights go out though, things get complicated. you can't see the real person underneath the darkness. the darkness could be jealousy, lust, stress, or feelings of inadequacy toward yourself. sometimes the person sees through the darkness and realizes the lights are more important. fireflies need the light to attract their mate, and when they don't have a light about them, they can't attract one. we all need lights to see into our potential mates, but when they are covered with darkness, it's impossible to get to know them. we all know you need a light to see through the darkness. which gets to my next point...

when i was watching Valentine's Day last night, they said that when you love someone, you of course love them for all the good things about them... but you have to love the bad things about them too. that's always been the hardest thing for me to realize. people don't change because you want them to change. and that doesn't mean they should change just because you want them to. if you love someone, you love them for who they are obviously--or you're supposed to. but if you're going to have a successful relationship, you need to love them for all of them, good and bad, no matter how hard it is. if you can't handle the bad along with the good, then you could never be with anyone.

this may not have made any sense to you, but i think the firefly analogy was pretty good on my part. kudos me. i rock.

hide and seek.

that's one of my favorite songs. it's by imogen heap.

i'm so bored with life right now. maybe it's just because it's summer and i don't have anything to do except work two or three times a week at a job i absolutely hate. or maybe it's because my life really is boring. am i boring? all this extra time leaves me alone a lot and i think too much. i wish it were august.

i'm so ready to start new stuff. mississippi state sounds like so much fun. of course i've been having doubts because memphis is home to me and i'm comfortable here. but i don't have many friends here, as weird as that sounds. i made new friends when i went to northeast and i love them. i don't know what i'd do without courtney. and i wish i could see justin more, even though we're not really together.

but anyways, we had to put fred down thursday :(  one of my two cats that i've had for the longest time. i sat there beside him and petted him and cried forever. i miss him so much, but he was very sick. i keep hoping that when i come home he'll be here laying on my bed as always or at the door missing me. i think i hear him sometimes too. ethel is looking for him as well, she's weirded out by her one food bowl. i don't think she likes it. hopefully this will get easier soon. he will always be remembered and missed dearly. he was a good cat.

anything less than "i love you" is lying.

title seems appropriate because that's what i'm listening to right now. john mayer's beautiful voice inspires me :) so, i saw ali ballard's blog, and thought that it was ultimately the cutest thing ever that i had to make one. i found myself thinking, "duh kelsey, you're a journalism major. write." so i am. even if no one ever reads this thing, i'll feel better about just writing.
so, an introduction? as much as you know from my "about me" is that i'm a college junior. i'm pretty simple, quiet, and think more than i speak. i'm non-confrontational; i hate arguing. i love to dance and love to write. God is very amazing, and i pray a lot. being alone doesn't bother me. i'm a good student; grades are important to me. i have wonderful friends, however few they may be. i'm going through a very weird time in my life where i'm trying to discover new things and find the real me. i lost myself for a little while, but i'm working my way back to me.
 basically i'm just trying to live life and trying to be as happy as i can. period.